Infinity

My problem is not that I have the wrong things but that I want the wrong things. I hold onto the wrong ideas. I chase a permanent and lasting happiness, and so I am always sad. I long for love, and so I am lonely. I hold the idea of forever, and so I am always betrayed.

The truth is, actual happiness is something you come by maybe a couple of times a year. And day-to-day, you can find frequent appreciation of life and the miracle of the human conscious, but to expect to live in some continual cloud of bliss is a sadly unrealistic thought. As for the ideas of love and forever, they are worst when held together. If there is such thing as genuine, romantic love, as I suspect there may be, I have no delusions about its length. Few things are eternal, and human relationships are not among them. But if you are lucky enough to receive an injection of nature’s sweetest high, I say love the moment of it, the season of it, but don’t expect more of it or perpetuation and don’t even – if possible – label it. Inhale it deeply, because flowers smell sweet, and flowers prick, and flowers wither. Forever is a dangerous word by itself, though. I believe in forever. I believe in God, in Heaven, in Hell and in eternity. But I also currently live on Earth, and I believe in time and humanity and seasons. The waves of sweet and sour and all the flavors between – they’re all on an invisible clock, and maybe you can’t predict its timing exactly, but you can be sure that it is finite.